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crying through the news » Life @ Number 8
Feb 232011

I WAS ON MY was to a cafe to meet a fellow writer. That morning,  I had not turned the TV on. I’d missed the 10am ABC news, & then also the 10:30am. That was unusual.  I dashed out at about 10:45am.

As the 11am news bulletin loomed on the radio in my car, my mobile phone rang. I pulled over & seeing it was a cousin pulled over. We did a quick catch up, & arranged to arrange to meet up.

11:07am I was on the road again.  PB waved at me as I drove past the cafe.  I quickly found a park.  Wondering if the sprawling road works were post flood repairs I hurried up to my friend & shared a hug. I placed my order for peppermint tea & then P asked me if I’d heard re Christchurch?

She quickly filled me in. I thought immediately of a friend who had an adult daughter there and called. She didn’t know anything about the earthquake. I urged her to make contact. (She was safe having left to see Glaciers down south)

An hour later after a hug good-bye I drove to local shops. The car radio was on & I heard an interview with the Mayor of Christchurch. A little shaken at the details I pulled into a car park, and called my son. He filled me in with details & sent me some images.

In the chemist the girls greeted me cheerfully unaware of the events unfolding in New Zealand. The images that appeared on my phone shook me.

I went into the supermarket, wanting chocolate. I don’t eat chocolate. I drink it but I don’t eat it. I steered myself in a different direction, not wanting the migraine that would surely follow such indulgence.

I became aware of vague unsettled feelings. I felt my eyes tear up.

I don’t cry easily. I started to feel unwell. I purchased some fruit & other items in case I was about to go down sick for a few days.

I found myself repeating just get home, go home Jane.

Once home, I flicked on the TV and watched reports from Christchurch. I cried.

I felt increasingly distressed.

Enquires produced the information that relatives I didn’t even know of were all safe.

I kept watching. I cried more.

I felt so unwell, I decided I needed to sleep.

I woke at 4:30 uncertain if it was pm or am. I wasn’t even sure where I was.

I returned to the TV, and watched the extended broadcasts. I cried again.

I wondered if I was sick or in shock. Why I was crying?

Sure, I am a New Zealander, however I have spent more than half of my life here in Australia.. I am also an Australian.

I wondered at the tears.

I watched a couple of other programs; an attempt at distraction, but felt drawn back to the news coverage.

About 11pm I turned it off and went to bed.

I woke before dawn, Wednesday morning & watched the early news broadcasts.

I cried again. I turned it off.  I walked away.

I sat & thought about all this.

I reviewed the last few months of my life.

I think I am in disaster-overload, tending towards shock.

I yearn for the simple life, easy days; I am drawn into nostalgia. All the while knowing those days are gone, & will return no more.

Therefore I have decided t not watch tv, today or listen to the radio.

I have planned some fun things for the next week, involving friends, fresh air, physical activities followed by yummy healthy food.

I will especially care for my spirit.

I cannot turn my back on the traumas of the world, New Zealand, Libya, Queensland, family & friends etc. But just for now I need to look away.

If I do not secure my oxygen mask first, what use will I be to anyone I seek to assist.

* I now have a movie evening booked, horse riding, country air, meals with friends, seaside photography time…and at the end of this day of limited media I feel much better.

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  • http://facebook Denyse Trujillo

    I feel it is getting too much for alot of people and delayed shock has affected alot of my friends I think you are doing the right thing in just feeding your spirit and taking time out to smell the roses as they say Blessings to you sweetie Huge hugz Dee xx

  • http://www.thehousethata-mbuilt.blogspot.com A-M

    Good plan Jane. I find I cannot watch any of it either. Total disaster overload. Look after yourself sweet friend. A-M xx
    A-M recently posted..Fair Favourites

  • http://lifeanddandelions.blogspot.com Annieb25

    Good idea. Take a step back and preserve your soul. Watching on TV and listening to the radio doesn’t change what is happening. Take a break, for you. xx
    Annieb25 recently posted..Today Im Grateful For

  • Marsha Markham

    Sounds like you are doing what you should…retreating for a bit, then regrouping at some point to help…I have a friend in South San Francisco who often has media free weekends…she doesn’t turn on music, the computer, the phones or anything that keeps her from just being by herself. She says that really renews her spirit. I think it’s a good idea. I watch very little television and am careful what I choose to read and listen to….it helps a lot!

  • http://pattybeecham.blogspot.com/ Patty

    Brillianty said. Emotional exhaustion. Rest.
    Patty recently posted..A Polm for Murphys

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